It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it's like iHOP with fire
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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