i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
