So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
