Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
