there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
