apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
