Michael Bay diarrhea
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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