i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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