dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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