Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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