Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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