it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
