she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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