I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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