He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
