I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
