So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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