If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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