Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
