he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
