I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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