Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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