As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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