My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
