He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
