so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize