The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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