He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
