So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My room smells like vodka and shame
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize