just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Will exercising make me less horny?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
