After last night, I could never be a politician.
time to smoke my breakfast
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
