You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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