pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
