she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
