he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
