Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
