Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
