So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
