haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
