hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
