I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
