I am puke
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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