I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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