I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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