You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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