Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
