GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
