i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
