This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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