the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize