I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
