If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
