he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
