That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I think I just sharted jello shots
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
