guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
