Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
