I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
