id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
