Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
