Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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