I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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