Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
And then the night went full on bisexual.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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