I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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