someone owes me an orgasm
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
