even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
