Porn is love you can see.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
