You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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