your thong is hanging out like whoa
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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