Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
