at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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