Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
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