Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
