I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
