Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
