dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
