im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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