Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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