if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
