do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I want to be your penis for a week.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
