now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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