My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
