So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
