You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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