i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
