i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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