You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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