Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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