I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize