i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
