I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
