One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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