I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
