He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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