And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It's blow job season.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
