Yo dont text me then not text me
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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