Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
